A Phase of Turmoil
The beginning stages of life had been wonderful. Though lonely. Despite the fact that I had the best of everything that parents could afford, I had always felt the lack of a proper companion. A one to share.
But I never did allow it to surface much and kept myself fierce. Many found me aggressive.
As a person I kept a lot of expectations in life towards myself and towards anybody with whom I could relate to.
But as time flew, and I started to physically grow, a minute flicker of fear also grew.
God brought before me some characters who displayed supreme protectiveness towards their younger sibling - more specifically - towards their younger sister.
God showed me my brother then. It was like a dream come true. Though I maintained my aloofness and fierceness even then, slowly I became weak. I let myself thoroughly enjoy the protectiveness and care that my brother showered on me.
Life was perfect - well not without exceptions. I had a family which was complete. I was the apple of everybody's eyes. Name it, I had it. I had a protector, who would share everything exclusively only with me. My life was bound only with 3 people - my parents and brother.
From being fiercely independent, I became completely dependent - emotionally mind it.
My brother was a perfect epitome of a brother. Teetotaller. A perfect Gentleman. A definite no-nonsense person and who also kept everyother woman at bay. He had only two things in life. His passion towards learning new things - from philosophy to technology - perfection was his motto. Next was me. I was the only one - then.
I couldn't ask for more in life. I did move ahead after education, in search of newer pastures to explore my talents in the corporate world. I had my dreams to pursue. I felt I did not need anything else. Marriage, sharing, love (well the one involving a couple), lust, were non-existing terms in my life's dictionary.
I was not aware of the silent storm that was brewing elsewhere. A storm that changed the direction of my life totally.
My brother changed.
He set his life differentially.
When I learnt sailing, I had forgotten to learn swimming too.
Today, I am sailing towards a direction that the storm is taking me towards. But filled with fear.
They say, "Face your past without regret" " Handle your present with confidence" "Prepare for the future without fear."
They say, Change is the only permanent thing in life.
Now, the perfectness in My family no longer exists. Change changed the perfection. Change changed me. Change changed my dreams to nightmares.
I will continue to live. But with regrets. With fears. And stubbornly independent.
I let go of my fierceness once. Look where I reached. Today, I am trying to go back to my square one. Today the non-existing terms are being forced into my life. I have accepted them.
But with a resolve, not to loose my fierceness.
People want me to behave the same way that they all behaved with me to bring the change into somebody else's life. I felt the pain sitting on the other side. Will my ethics allow me to inflict the same. Yes, there will be heart burns. But not as immence as this.
I wish I do not bring such pain to any other living soul. Despite arguments that accuse me of being impractical or immature or stubborn. I did suffer the pains. And I know, pain is Painful.
A word for my brother - Why?
But I never did allow it to surface much and kept myself fierce. Many found me aggressive.
As a person I kept a lot of expectations in life towards myself and towards anybody with whom I could relate to.
But as time flew, and I started to physically grow, a minute flicker of fear also grew.
God brought before me some characters who displayed supreme protectiveness towards their younger sibling - more specifically - towards their younger sister.
God showed me my brother then. It was like a dream come true. Though I maintained my aloofness and fierceness even then, slowly I became weak. I let myself thoroughly enjoy the protectiveness and care that my brother showered on me.
Life was perfect - well not without exceptions. I had a family which was complete. I was the apple of everybody's eyes. Name it, I had it. I had a protector, who would share everything exclusively only with me. My life was bound only with 3 people - my parents and brother.
From being fiercely independent, I became completely dependent - emotionally mind it.
My brother was a perfect epitome of a brother. Teetotaller. A perfect Gentleman. A definite no-nonsense person and who also kept everyother woman at bay. He had only two things in life. His passion towards learning new things - from philosophy to technology - perfection was his motto. Next was me. I was the only one - then.
I couldn't ask for more in life. I did move ahead after education, in search of newer pastures to explore my talents in the corporate world. I had my dreams to pursue. I felt I did not need anything else. Marriage, sharing, love (well the one involving a couple), lust, were non-existing terms in my life's dictionary.
I was not aware of the silent storm that was brewing elsewhere. A storm that changed the direction of my life totally.
My brother changed.
He set his life differentially.
When I learnt sailing, I had forgotten to learn swimming too.
Today, I am sailing towards a direction that the storm is taking me towards. But filled with fear.
They say, "Face your past without regret" " Handle your present with confidence" "Prepare for the future without fear."
They say, Change is the only permanent thing in life.
Now, the perfectness in My family no longer exists. Change changed the perfection. Change changed me. Change changed my dreams to nightmares.
I will continue to live. But with regrets. With fears. And stubbornly independent.
I let go of my fierceness once. Look where I reached. Today, I am trying to go back to my square one. Today the non-existing terms are being forced into my life. I have accepted them.
But with a resolve, not to loose my fierceness.
People want me to behave the same way that they all behaved with me to bring the change into somebody else's life. I felt the pain sitting on the other side. Will my ethics allow me to inflict the same. Yes, there will be heart burns. But not as immence as this.
I wish I do not bring such pain to any other living soul. Despite arguments that accuse me of being impractical or immature or stubborn. I did suffer the pains. And I know, pain is Painful.
A word for my brother - Why?
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