Mysterious God

I asked for Strength,
God gave me difficulties to face.
I asked for Wisdom,
God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for Courage,
God gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for Love,
God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for Favours,
God gave me opportunities.
I asked for prosperity,
God gave me brawn and brain to work
I asked for trust,
God gave me conscienceless backstabbers to deal with,
I asked for faith in myself,
God gave me the lowest phases of my life to overcome,
I asked for humility,
God gave me showers of praise to accept with a level head,
I asked for best friends,
God gave me just myself to talk to,
I asked for security,
God gave me the biggest insecurities to harden to,
I asked for compassion,
God gave me inhuman jerks to forgive,
I asked for knowledge,
God gave me profound souls to learn from,
I asked for liberation,
God gave me a wonderful life to live n make a difference!
I never got what I wanted. They say I got every thing I needed.

Question is:
IS God deaf or is He being Cynical?

Everytime I try to raise myself, He sends me back with a heavy blow. Like a ping pong ball.
Everytime I try to bounce back, I do emerge wiser and stronger but more and more cynical.

I keep losing my sense of humour. I have lost all those things which I valued the most in my life. My philosophy in life, my dreams, my confidence. And they say, God has crude ways of teaching reality. At what cost?

Its been amazing to watch how friends and family towards which I had a strong bondage towards, withered away from me (either gradually or abruptly). I have the feeling that I will never have that "friend" any more. Now I am in that position that can be clearly described as: Alone.

There is a cynical yet clear view of the illusions of this conceptual world. I am able to see the ideas and dishonesties that people use to structure their so-called relationships.

Yet my heart does not accept this state and keeps fighting. It yearns for companionship. Foolishness yet the current state of affairs.

When there seems no hope of surviving the slings and arrows that come one after the other without stopping. You think everything is going to be alright and then another hit comes and another and another?
When I try to bounce back with Faith, prayers and everything in hand, nothing seems to go right again. I only console my heart to bear the pain inflicted by another arrow and make space for another arrow to land up. Sometimes they land right were the old wounds aren't completely closed.
Thats when I also think, Forget God. Perhaps He has other fishes to fry.

Some say, you aren't the only one who is suffering. Well, Thank you very much. Still the wound hurts. I am not here for comparing whose wound hurts more. I am not saying that I am the only sufferer and every other person is rejoicing. I am just saying - IT HURTS. HURTS ARE PAINFUL.

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