The Magic words.
The hurried exit out of the Wedding hall into the car was creating an unusual anxiety in me. He was beside. There was an eerie silence in the car. The journey upto the new home that stretched nearly for twenty minutes was creating so many waves of thoughts stretching from my past to the present and future.
I had heard about the bridal send off at weddings. They were supposed to be tearful moments. But there was nothing of the sort here. It was a very silent night. Pardon the pun, it was supposed to be a holy night too.
Everything was calm. I lowered the car window shield. The air was little cold. Though covered in silk, I was perspiring. Fear!! Of What?? I knew not.
I looked at him. He wasn't looking at me. He was preoccupied. Holding his hand firmly to the handle of the door. What was he thinking of?? I then looked away. Probably I shouldn't make him conscious. I was aware I was staring at him. It was asthough I was seeing him for the first time.
Destination reached. He dashed off as though that was the first thing he wanted to do. I stepped out. A new wave of fear now gripped me. I turned to look around. All faces were known to me. Yet, they all seemed new to me. New relationships. New responsibilities my relatives had reminded me of. None of these responsibilities were scaring me. It was just me I was scared off.
The rituals that were supposed to be followed, well it started off with an auspicious act of lighting a lamp, calling for the divine light to throw light over the dark future that lay ahead of me and scared me about the unknown.
Though seated later, the body language that emulated was clear - Uncomfortable.
Climbing the stairs - now I was asking silently "Should I do it? Please can somebody help me calm my nerves".
Withing a matter of few minutes, I found myself alone. Alone in the room with him.
I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack. Because despite the fan, AC and cool climate outside, I was sweating so profusely.
I even changed the attire from silks to something more comfortable in cotton, atleast that would absorb my sweat. Even the sound of the zipper was deafening to me. I changed inside the restroom attached. But opening the door again to enter the other room again. Should I do it?? Should I do it??
Thankfully, he had also changed to his normal attire. I was getting tensed already with his presence in the room. With the traditional attire, he was only tensing me all the more. Now why should an attire tense me? I never got an answer for that question.
My heart was in my mouth. I could feel my mouth shiver with every heart beat. In another few moments if I continued, I was sure to faint and the doctor would have to be called in. Oh no!! This man did no crime to deserve such a punishing embarrasement.
I tried to speak something. But whatever I wanted to convey was not the one what actually came out. I felt I was squeeking instead. I tried telling myself, "You are not losing your head". "You have a long way to go". I don't remember what I was telling him and what he was telling me or asking me. What ever was happening, was over my head. I cared so less about what was being conversed. I was so conscious of the heart beat alone. Any moment now!! Any moment now!!
Nothing was working. I looked at him. Was the expression that was on his face trying to tell me, that the same thoughts that were going through me are occupying his mind also. His face and features were so familiar to me. Yet so strange. Perhaps he was a little more than a stranger to me!! I couldn't even look to his eyes. Shyness!! That was odd to me. But yes I was shy too.
My heart said, he is trying to control too many things. His fears, his confusions everything is just like the ones I am experiencing.
The silence was too much to bear.
The aroma that was around was giving me a headache. Not that it was so unbearable. But I was already a bundle of nerves.
Then his voice broke the silence.
Perhaps, I heard wanted to hear those words from him for such a long time now.
He said the magic words.
He said......
"Just sleep"....
I had heard about the bridal send off at weddings. They were supposed to be tearful moments. But there was nothing of the sort here. It was a very silent night. Pardon the pun, it was supposed to be a holy night too.
Everything was calm. I lowered the car window shield. The air was little cold. Though covered in silk, I was perspiring. Fear!! Of What?? I knew not.
I looked at him. He wasn't looking at me. He was preoccupied. Holding his hand firmly to the handle of the door. What was he thinking of?? I then looked away. Probably I shouldn't make him conscious. I was aware I was staring at him. It was asthough I was seeing him for the first time.
Destination reached. He dashed off as though that was the first thing he wanted to do. I stepped out. A new wave of fear now gripped me. I turned to look around. All faces were known to me. Yet, they all seemed new to me. New relationships. New responsibilities my relatives had reminded me of. None of these responsibilities were scaring me. It was just me I was scared off.
The rituals that were supposed to be followed, well it started off with an auspicious act of lighting a lamp, calling for the divine light to throw light over the dark future that lay ahead of me and scared me about the unknown.
Though seated later, the body language that emulated was clear - Uncomfortable.
Climbing the stairs - now I was asking silently "Should I do it? Please can somebody help me calm my nerves".
Withing a matter of few minutes, I found myself alone. Alone in the room with him.
I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack. Because despite the fan, AC and cool climate outside, I was sweating so profusely.
I even changed the attire from silks to something more comfortable in cotton, atleast that would absorb my sweat. Even the sound of the zipper was deafening to me. I changed inside the restroom attached. But opening the door again to enter the other room again. Should I do it?? Should I do it??
Thankfully, he had also changed to his normal attire. I was getting tensed already with his presence in the room. With the traditional attire, he was only tensing me all the more. Now why should an attire tense me? I never got an answer for that question.
My heart was in my mouth. I could feel my mouth shiver with every heart beat. In another few moments if I continued, I was sure to faint and the doctor would have to be called in. Oh no!! This man did no crime to deserve such a punishing embarrasement.
I tried to speak something. But whatever I wanted to convey was not the one what actually came out. I felt I was squeeking instead. I tried telling myself, "You are not losing your head". "You have a long way to go". I don't remember what I was telling him and what he was telling me or asking me. What ever was happening, was over my head. I cared so less about what was being conversed. I was so conscious of the heart beat alone. Any moment now!! Any moment now!!
Nothing was working. I looked at him. Was the expression that was on his face trying to tell me, that the same thoughts that were going through me are occupying his mind also. His face and features were so familiar to me. Yet so strange. Perhaps he was a little more than a stranger to me!! I couldn't even look to his eyes. Shyness!! That was odd to me. But yes I was shy too.
My heart said, he is trying to control too many things. His fears, his confusions everything is just like the ones I am experiencing.
The silence was too much to bear.
The aroma that was around was giving me a headache. Not that it was so unbearable. But I was already a bundle of nerves.
Then his voice broke the silence.
Perhaps, I heard wanted to hear those words from him for such a long time now.
He said the magic words.
He said......
"Just sleep"....
Comments